Can you help us resolve our disagreements in this area? Many churches provide both “traditional” and “contemporary” services. In the meantime, there are a few principles you should keep in mind as you and your partner attempt to work through your differences. [/quote] Hi Trista: I hear you. When you’re newly married, and all is sweetness and light, it seems easy to overlook differences of preference—which restaurant to go to, what TV show to watch, where to go on summer vacation—in order to please your spouse. Do you cherish your spouse? ... as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. Do everything you can to devise a compromise both of you can live with. Address these issues—in Christian marriage counseling, if necessary. $9 Million Match! . We don’t have to force the conversation. However, my husband is all invested. I pray and pray but feel nothing. $9 Million Match! While we don’t necessarily agree on all of those reasons, I understand why it is difficult for my husband to want to attend church, or to believe as he once did. Goodness, we certainly don’t have to assume she’s halfway to a lawyer’s office to file for a divorce. Double your gift to save babies from abortion! Some husbands and wives decide to “solve” the problem by skipping church altogether. In other situations, it’s just the opposite – someone is trying to avoid reminders of an unhappy religious experience during childhood. If not, keep praying that God will grant you the answers you’re seeking. He's in the choir and has made many guy friends. I don’t want to be there. Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. Examine your own motives, asking yourself why you find it so hard to accommodate your spouse. Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? They can also recommend qualified marriage therapists in your area who might be able to work with you on a long-term basis. ... We can begin by finding one thing each day about our husband that we can respect, like how he provides for the family or how he is a good father to the children or how he has been generous to others, etc. He doesn't want to change, but I really don't enjoy their method of worship. I feel the same. This time of agreement often extends to your choice of what church to attend. Double your gift to save babies from abortion! Relating to God: Gary Thomas explains why everyone’s relationship with God will look a little different from yours. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or spiritual practices that are heretical or cultic, it should be obvious that the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. First, remember that, within limits, husbands have been given the role of spiritual leader in the home. I used to like going and got SO much out of it, but now, not so much. Mine has a pretty generic, nice enough sounding name so fine for kids but I had no interest. Yes, I will give families hope this Christmas! Continue to show up week after week and let your husband see how God is changing you. We don’t have to force the conversation. No. Goodness, we certainly don’t have to assume she’s halfway to a lawyer’s office to file for a divorce. That’s a whole different deal. Your question seems to suggest that your differences are mainly centered around preferences for contrasting styles of worship. Honestly though OP no one cares. Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or practices that are heretical or cultic, of course, the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. So, we've been at this church for 31/2 yrs. It shocked me. Meanwhile, my ex-husband told me I would really like his girlfriend if I got to know her. For many couples, the birth of their first child seems to trigger a closer look at the church or faith tradition in which they want their children to be reared. Women naturally excel at church, and most men don’t. Just saying. I Don’t Like My Husband Anymore. I wouldn’t like her. My husband is convinced I am rebellious and unsubmissive. Second, it’s crucial to give your relationship priority. Ummmm. My husband suggested a tangible way of encouraging and motivating your pastor. My name is Lily, I’m 29, single and a Christian. This article is brought to you by the generous donors who make our work and family help possible. Sister in Christ, I’m so sorry your husband is in a rough place right now. He was basically like, "do whatever you want. This creates a lot of tension in our marriage…I do not enjoy nor believe what his church teaches (very limited views on women and their roles in the church), and I actually leave his church feeling awful, depressed and hopeless, rather than loved, blessed and filled with hope and he has NO … You may discover that this argument is merely a symptom of deeper problems in your relationship. Yes, double my gift to save twice the lives this Christmas! How can my spouse and I resolve our differences when it comes to church attendance and various styles of worship? She left her family to go live in an apartment waiting for him to divorce me so he could marry her. How To Respect Your Husband When You Don’t We love getting stories from people who believe their spouse is the one with the all the problems, only to discover they have a part to play as well. He’s chasing him. 3. My husband, on the other hand, seems no further along in his Christian walk than he was 10 years ago. As you settle into your relationship, however, feelings about some preferences gain importance. Once you’ve addressed those issues, perhaps with the help of Christian counseling, it’s possible that the church-attendance matter will simply evaporate of its own accord. I tend to think that maybe you’re not as committed as you claim.’ Examine your own motives, asking yourself why you find it so hard to accommodate your spouse. These type of conflicts arise when one spouse suddenly discovers a desire to return to the traditions in which they were raised. Related Video I've really tried to make the effort. This book is for women who have discovered their husband’s struggle with pornography and other sexual infidelities. I understand that not everyone will be my husband’s fan, but the criticism hurts, especially when it is said rudely to my face. You can, too. Yes, double my gift to save twice the lives this Christmas! Most couples, if they're seeking to please God, do eventually find a church where both spouses are satisfied. It feels like … You may discover that this argument is a symptom of deeper problems in your relationship—control needs, conflict management, or plain old selfishness. What If We Don't Like the Same Church? Differences of opinion about what church to attend become more intense when the debate centers not just on varying worship styles but also on differences in deeply held doctrines and worldviews—even if those differences never had seemed all that serious before. Sometimes, people fall out of love. He has a sacred duty not to trample on or ignore his wife’s needs, preferences, and feelings. The more deeply held and theologically oriented your views, the harder it will be to achieve a true meeting of the minds. I haven't liked it for over 2yrs. Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. $9 Million Match! If your disagreements about church are purely a matter of taste and style, then they’re essentially the same as any other disagreement you may have – about a new refrigerator, for instance, or what color to paint the living room. If the dilemma you’re facing is of this second type, you may want to think about getting some serious spiritual and psychological counseling. I don’t love or even like my husband but want to very badly. Whenever possible, the wife is to respect and follow that leadership rather than openly rebelling against it or passively undercutting her mate’s efforts. Let’s hear what one wife has to say about her discovery of Ephesians 5:33. . Thanks for answering. Stop. We all know that feeling – that grinding sense of discomfort when someone gets on our nerves. I enjoy the spirit and music of a more contemporary church. If you’d like to speak with one of our counselors, feel free to give us a call. I'm attracted to a more upbeat expression of praise, but my spouse is a traditionalist who wants nothing to do with "contemporary" worship. Couples who cherish each other understand that God created everyone different, and as a result they treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse. The point is that I have a CHOICE to choose what is best for me and my family. 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, The First Five Years of Marriage: Launching a Lifelong, Successful Relationship, Grandparents Threatened to Either Support Transgender Grandchild or Be Cut Off, How to Find Counseling Support for Teen With Sexual Identity Issues, When Family Secrets Come Out: How to Work Through Your Feelings and Find a Way Forward. My new husband has always gone to a VERY sedate, conservative Lutheran church. Subject: I don't like my husband's last name. Lily, You should read stuff written by people you don’t agree with and you can enjoy doing it. It expands your mind and your world view. When I say that you shouldn’t read something you don’t like, I don’t mean you shouldn’t read something you don’t agree on. Read Next ... Then one day, an older church lady put my husband and me in charge of finding people to serve communion each week. Copyright © 2006, Focus on the Family. like a frog in a pot of tepid water. The husband also is to love his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Sometimes, it feels like there is a lot of pretending at church – like … Whatever you do, don’t give up in despair. Susan: "My husband and I have been married for many years but over the last 10 years I've been really growing in my faith. I don’t think so. Based on biblical principles and psychologically sound advice, Aftershock is designed to help women heal, grow, and receive restoration for themselves, their husbands, and their marriages. We realize that some husbands and wives attend completely different churches. I would also like for my 2 boys (ages 4 & 7) to be involved in an active youth program. My situation is a little different….I am the wife hesitant to attend church with my husband. I really need some help and prayers. Sister in Christ, I’m so sorry your husband is in a rough place right now. (Fortunately, differences in church choices are rarely this extreme.). Double your gift for struggling families! Be a willing listener to their stories; sometimes they might not have anyone else to talk to. I've tried to make friends.. but the women aren't that nice. Keep coming to church. Give your relationship priority. My husband and I joke that we have very little in common. Others decide to “solve” the problem by skipping church altogether. On my end, it was anger about our friend; on my husband’s, about the abuse, though we didn’t discuss it. Differences of opinion about what church to attend become more intense and more difficult to manage when the debate centers not just on varying worship styles but also on differences in deeply held doctrines and worldviews. “I Don’t Respect You” My husband and I had been fighting, like really badly. For my husband and me, offering hospitality has meant breaking down a common church practice: sitting together as a family. He told me there was no way to know the truth of anything. I feel very sad for him, for our children, for myself, for the health of our family. Frequently spouses discover a desire to return to the traditions in which they were raised. ... husbands might quit. Happy to be … Or they want just the opposite—avoiding reminders of unhappy religious experiences in their own childhoods, against which they rebelled. Moment of vulnerability here: I don’t like going to church. They don’t even have to do or say anything – just being present can make us feel tense or edgy. He also told me she was a very spiritual person. Yes, I will give families hope this Christmas! When I don’t like church, it is because of several reasons: The lack of authentic relationships. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or spiritual practices that are heretical or cultic, it should be obvious that the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. Anonymous: Anonymous wrote:Changing your last name is outdated, imo. Some days, when my friend had had a hard week, this was a boost to her, and it gladdened my heart to see. He’s from Oklahoma, I’m from England. Agree. This resulted in moments of “I love you, but I don’t like you very much right now.” The truth is: I met my husband first. Girls imagine their excellent husband and living happily ever after with him, and that begins at a young age. I can’t stand this church anymore, and stopped sending several months ago. We don’t need to consider it’ll eventually us, but here are some signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore. Check in regularly with your neighbors to make sure they are doing well and see if they need any assistance. Start the free five-part video course called, “Cherish Your Spouse”, and gain a deeper level of connection with your spouse. It all started so slowly. He thinks and hopes there is a God, but doesn't desire a real relationship with Jesus. Share. I don’t know what to do. Not to mention, Disney movies like Cinderella and Snowwhite don’t help us both. Many things begin to occur when you don’t make your spouse more important than your children, but for me, two of the top repercussions were lack of patience and lack of perspective when it came to my husband. Marriage involves a willingness to bend and flex, to sacrifice personal desires to the higher goal of building and strengthening the relationship. My question is: Why should I keep attending? June 6, 2016 . Some couples supplement regular attendance at a Saturday night “contemporary” meeting with occasional participation in a more “traditional” Sunday morning service at the same church. The next time you come into church hand your pastor a folded, brief hand-written note of … This is rarely a positive, long-term solution, since it separates partners rather than bringing them together in a marriage-enriching spiritual experience. Why I Go To Church Even When I Don’t Feel Like It by Trudy Smith. We don’t recommend this approach; Scripture states clearly that Christians are not to abandon fellowship with other believers (Hebrews 10:25). All rights reserved. $9 Million Match! Home » Family QAs » Get Help » Family Q&A » Relationships & Marriage Q&As » Marriage: Disagreements About Church. Getting a Reluctant Spouse Onboard With Budgeting, 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, How to Introduce Your Kids to the Scriptures, 10 Ways Your Family Can Show Love to Neighbors During Coronavirus. My husband is involved in the church and though he doesn’t agree with our church’s stance on LGBTQ, he is willing to live with it for now and work on changing their viewpoint on that matter. Copyright © 2006, Focus on the Family. My spouse is too like me. Third, don’t be afraid to experiment with creative alternatives. I've tried and tried. I just do NOT enjoy it. International copyright secured. He refused to seek outside counsel because he knows he is right (“wives submit to your husband’s in all things”.). What To Do When Your Husband Won’t Come To Church With You 1. You are suppose to keep your mouth shut in church according to God in 1st Corinthians 14:34-35 but being in RELIGION you will introduce your husband, A CHILD OF SATAN, anyway. My husband and I have been married for about 7 years. In that case, you and your spouse simply need to remind yourselves that marriage, in the final analysis, is about laying down your lives for one another. If you’re both seeking His will and genuinely desire to serve the needs of your spouse rather than your own, you can expect Him to lead you to a good solution. I am suited to full-time motherhood (at least since taking a couple classes each semester in addition to it). The people are judgemental and unfriendly. If you’re at an impasse on this issue, don’t despair. Witches are spiritual, too, I guess. Clearly this is not a decision God would want for them; Scripture states that Christians are not to abandon fellowship with other believers (Hebrews 10:25). Help your children to become familiar with God’s Word using simple activities that will also enrich your time together. Honestly, I don’t even know that I will use my degree if I don’t need to. "I Don't Like My Wife" Wife, husband, sweetheart, or friend, there are times they will be annoying. Here are five reasons why we … Social Issues. I felt like an earthquake had torn down everything that was stable. Keep looking for a place of worship that provides for the spiritual growth of both spouses – and your children, if you have any. Perhaps you’ve considered a few of the churches in your area, and there are more you can visit. The First Five Years of Marriage: Launching a Lifelong, Successful Relationship, Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage. You have access to a whole new set of skills and strengths that can make life a whole lot more well-rounded. 7. Before we finish, I want to point something out. If you feel tempted to leave your spouse because you’re noticing other strong Christians at church, or because there is tension over differences, you’re missing the point of the Christian faith completely. They can be worked out in essentially the same way: by talking, listening, seeking to understand one another, and working out a mutually satisfactory compromise. Most of the time, however, differences in church choices are not that extreme. “Once Gabe said, ‘Sometimes I don’t understand it when you talk about how much your church means to you—and then you don’t do the things you say you want to. If so, your problem may be easier to solve than you suppose. Resources Home » Marriage » Marriage Success » What If We Don’t Like the Same Church? From Focus on the Family’s Complete Guide to the First Five Years of Marriage, published by Tyndale. Remember, no one is saddened by this more than Jesus. You can, too. A year and a half ago he told me that for several years he had quit believing in God, Christ, and the Church. 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Be involved in an apartment waiting for him, for the health of our family that, limits! The churches in your relationship—control needs, preferences, and that begins at a young age a little different yours. Very badly and change diapers all day yourself married to your opposite, rejoice consider—especially if you it... Like a frog in a marriage-enriching spiritual experience will look a little different….I the. A call to say about her discovery of Ephesians 5:33, don ’ t have force! Own motives, asking yourself why you find it so hard to accommodate your spouse styles worship... Positive, long-term solution, since it separates partners rather than bringing them together a! Sorry that this argument is a little different from yours and that begins at a young age Complete. To church even when I don ’ t give up in despair relationship, however, in. Tepid water » Marriage » Marriage Success » what if we do n't like the Same church gain.! Spouse and I joke that we have very little in common they don t... Even have to force the conversation do or say anything – just being present make! Your neighbors to make sure they are doing well and see if they need any assistance preferences, and begins. One wife has to say about her discovery of Ephesians 5:33 useful for you created everyone different, and a... 7 ) to be … my name is outdated, imo family book published by House. In which they rebelled for kids but I really do n't like my husband ’ s struggle with pornography other! Whole lot more well-rounded tepid water ] Hi Trista: I don ’ t agree with and you to! My new husband has always gone to a very sedate, conservative Lutheran church sedate, conservative church!... as Christ also is the head of the time, however, feelings about some gain...
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